Sugar rush 30 May, 2007

Just devoured half a slice of very sweet carrot cake with a cup of gelato coffee.

Hmm… not too good for sugar control huh?

I’ve been kinda over-indulging recently and my weight has gone up by 2 pounds. See how easily it is for me to gain weight? I take 7-8 days to lose 2 pounds, and 3 days to put it back on.

When I look at those delicious cakes and pastries, or heavenly potatoes and french fries, I find them so hard to resist. Even the regular gravy-laden rice is such a temptation.

Who said carbs weren’t addictive? They sure are to me.

“mind over matter… mind over matter… mind over matter…”
Sigh, this batttle with sugar and carbohydrates is going to be a life-long one.

Well, mum has very kindly offered to go to the gym with me once again and I’m grateful for her support. Without her, I don’t think I would have the willpower or determination to work up a sweat by myself.

Humph… Tomorrow will be a better day.

The treatment has begun 30 May, 2007

I got my first Lucrin jab yesterday. It felt just like a tiny mosquito bite in the bum.

*Sigh of relief*

Dr Fong was really gentle and assuring, even though I’m sure he’s done this jab countless times. I like the fact that he seems to understand that it’s the first time for every new patient.

I was advised to prepare for menopausal symptopms like hot flashes and insomnia. *Gulp* I’m a little apprehensive but like Chris Christian’s song, I’m determined to pray away my troubles and trust God for a manageable period. Meanwhile, I’m reading natural methods of coping with the symptoms.

Lucrin jabs aren’t cheap. The jab alone cost me S$350, excluding consultation fees. I’m so thankful I only have to do this one or two more times, depending on how effective the medication is working for me.

I googled for Lucrin but found it difficult to get past all that medical jargon. Basically it’ll help to shrink my womb, currently enlarged from adenomyosis.

After my womb has shrunk back to its normal size, I’ll need to have my fallopian tubes checked to ensure no blockage and if all goes well, we’re set for the next step – Intra Uterine Insemination – by September.

Intra Uterine Insemination (IUI)
IUI is a process when a quantity of washed and concentrated sperm is introduced into the wife’s womb. This is done during the time when eggs are released from the ovaries (ovulation) in order to increase the chance of pregnancy. The best IUI results can be achieved when insemination is coupled with ovulation induced by fertility hormones.

In short, it’s artificial insemination.

I’m really hopeful that this procedure would work for us. And the timing would be great because if I become pregnant, my EDD would be after hubby graduates from college. He would have gotten a stable paying job by then, and we should be able to cope better with the responsibility of a baby.

But that’s all just a rosy picture. I’m only at the beginning phase of this treatment path. I’ll dream rosy dreams, but keep my eyes focussed on coping with the treatment day by day.

O Lord, have mercy.

Happy Mother’s Day 14 May, 2007

I’m 125 pounds now. I don’t think I’ve ever been 125 pounds in my entire adult life. MIL is worried and thinks I fall ill easily now because of my weight loss. Maybe she’s right? But then again, a healthy weight range is a recommended must for healthy pregnancy. So I’m toughing it out.

Yesterday was Mother’s day. Hannah would have been 3 years old now if she were still alive. I think at 3 yrs old, she would be able to at least wish me happy mother’s day or give me a wet slobbery kiss Well, I’ll see her one day, I know that. And we can have our reunion & kisses then.

I’ve decided to go with Dr Fong’s recommended course of action and I’m waiting for Aunt Flo to come before I go for my next appointment. Hubby has been taking his antioxidants regularly and I do hope they are effective for him. Well, we’ll know soon enough once more tests are done. I’m definitely anxious of the possible side effects that Dr Fong mentioned

This has been a slightly tougher period for me as so many people around me are getting pregnant. Sometimes I’m filled with envy when I see them preparing for the birth of a new member of the family. When will it ever be my turn? But I believe God has His timing and his plans for us. So I continue to cherish this secret, well, not so secret, hope within me.

Somehow people have stopped asking me when we’re going to have a baby. It seems that 5 years is a magical number. Within the first 5 years of our marriage, I had so many people asking me constantly. But now that we’ve passed the 5-year mark, I guess people have their suspicions and polite discretion stops them from asking me further. Thank God for discretion cause I was getting tired of putting on a smile and saying, “Well, all in good time.” Of course I wouldn’t mind telling them about my actual problem, but then again, would they really want to hear? I don’t think so. So I’m glad for the silence.

My younger sis-in-law is pregnant. I’m really happy to be getting a little niece / nephew soon. And I feel glad that my parents at least would have a grandchild they can carry and dote on, and be proud of. And I think lilnat, as they call the baby, would be so well-loved by everyone.

Well everyone has their own path in life to trod. I’ll take mine like a stroll in the park because I know the One who holds my hand

To end, I’ll still wish myself Happy Mother’s Day, coz I once was a mother too.